[izk]-ed™

Hurting the Simple.

How about me? After a while, i get tired of being nice and doing things nice but still, why do i put in that extra effort to put a smile on someone’s heart? I don’t even know if they appreciate my gesture or just pass it off like any other daily notion. When it comes to expressing gratitude, i’d prefer the big old fat “thank you” right to my face, because emotions means much more than anything else. Also the fact, i very oblivious to my surroundings, apologies for that.

One can say right to someone’s face when they’re unhappy about them, but one can take forever to convey a simply apology or expressing a gratitude. Why do we let the negativity take over us? Why can’t we be proud of things that we are thankful off? A few situations lately made me wonder, have i done enough? Did i over do things? Can i be someone better? What more can i do? Should i just give up? I need that assurance and comfort, to know that my responsibility as a son, as a best friend, as a friend not be judged or taken for granted.

A million and one things runs through my mind because why? This time, i think i’ve decided to be selfish. Yes, you’ve heard it. God puts me through a myriad of situations. Situations sometimes i couldn’t imagine i”ll be in. I’ve been in an endless battle daily to keep myself going. It’s not easy and sometimes disappointment comes in packages. Huge packages, small packages; but in all they come in a variety of packages. I want to be happy, i want people to please me someway or another, i want that happiness for myself, i do not want to be an option, for once let me be a priority, i do not want to be left aside, give me a break, i want my gestures to be credited and known! Selfish huh? Judge me for all i care, but you don’t know how exhausting things are right now. No tears enough can heal the pain i’m going through.

It hurts to see my loved ones tear, to see my loved ones phased out in a situation. Being all helpless, with every tear drop is full of pain and anguish. A lending hand i offer, because i can’t bear to see them suffer. We’ll walk together hand in hand and develop a further understanding of the situation. Let maturity and love do it’s work, where concern and care ignites the relationship or bond.

How about when i tear?

Would they understand how i feel?

Would they share how i feel from where i am coming from?

I’m scared to vent out my feelings and thoughts. I’m worried for things be a greater problem or adds on to any current problems. Correct me if i’m wrong, but don’t correct me if you want me to see things your way.

My endless fights, are getting tiring and i need that support to keep me going.

As tears roll down from my eyes, i ask myself, “Have i not been good enough?”

I Don’t Understand.

When you express the truth, you get slammed. When you decide to hide the truth, you slam yourself. How do you express feelings that doesn’t hurt others and yourself as well?

It’s a confusing statement but true enough, it exists.

Justice pays a price. I guess you can never please yourself and others at the same time? No wait i take that back. I believe you could.

You have to be selfish and selfless enough to actually bother.

I’ll wait, i guess.

I’d make you mine, if only you knew.

Honestly, i didn’t have the courage to confess cause honestly we’re two worlds apart. You are everything that i wanted, with a smile that worths every single while.

I had a chance, but it’s definitely too late now.

I’m not the world’s best looking, singer, cook, whatever you name it but i’m sure i’ll give you the best.

One thing that is holding me back for sure, is that you’re attached.

The one that got away.

Opening up.

Here’s the deal, life it ain’t easy as it seems.

The wonders of making it perfect, will never come true. Let these imperfections make the better of us. To err is human, to forgive is divine. We’ve grown maturely and have adapted a lifestyle of understanding and reasoning to every situation.

The past few weeks left quite an impact on me, emotionally and mentally. I came upon an impromptu life lesson, that taught the importance of people around us. You can have a million and one friends, but the ones that really stood by you through thick or thin, couldn’t even make up to the amount of fingers you have.

A valuable lesson learnt, to cherish, to open up your heart to those that matters because one thing that is for sure; the closest to you will never judge you. Learn to share, because they do care (tacky much, but it’s true!). Guys, put your ego aside for once, and open up; everyone has a sensitive side. Shedding a tear to share your problems, doesn’t mean you’re one helluva loser or a whimp. 

It just proves to show you have feelings and humanity running you; it proves you are human.

Don’t suppress or generate hate; spread the love instead.

Cheers.

Singers & Musicians

“If you ask yourself why musicians charge so much for performances. We don’t get paid vacation, we don’t get paid sick days, we don’t get bonuses for outstanding performances nor for Christmas. We don’t have insurance plans nor do we qualify for unemployment. We sacrifice our family on special days so that we can bring happiness to others. Illness or personal affairs are not excuses for a bad performance. Next time you ask, remember that musicians are musicians because of the love of music, but that love doesn’t pay debts. Happy Musicians Day!! Re-post if you’re a musician or feel the same to for them” - (respect.)

Gratitude.

I’m thankful, but in all i think i have been lying to myself.

I’m thankful, but things have not been great.

I’m thankful, but why do such horrible things still happen?

I’m thankful, but i’ve been lied too one two many times.

I’m thankful, but being nice pays.

I’m thankful, but my best intentions always messes things up.

I’m thankful, but i am tired of giving without receiving.

I’m thankful, but they call me selfish.

I’m thankful, but sensitivity and appreciation calls me gay.

I’m thankful, but i am always taken for granted.

I’m thankful, but why do i always end up alone?

I’m thankful, but my insecurities eats me up from the inside.

I’m thankful, but neglect had always been a part of me.

I’m thankful, but why do i always get hurt?

I’m thankful, still.

My Best, is not the Best Enough.

What have I done? I wish I could run.
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
Cause I can’t go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I’ll get through this

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn’t fair
Yeah, I’ll send down a wish
Yeah, I’ll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care

What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

Better Best Forgotten.

They say family is those who is blood related to you. I say, family is those who never leave your side; blood or no blood. It’s hard to find the unity without scrutiny.

This year, only 3 came. It gets lesser annually.

Worthy?

“The best feeling in the world is knowing that you actually mean something to someone.”

I couldn’t agree more.

However, sometimes the more you try to keep things close, it doesn’t get closer or tighter but instead, further. I’m sorry i crossed the imaginary line of boundary or shall i say, limits.

Misunderstood, and misintrepreted.

It’s embedded in me, that i get really upset knowing that i’ve made some people unhappy even so they say their fine. Isn’t it just natural?

I guess; i do not know what to guess but for sure that i’ve got a change of direction in life now. Good can be bad, and the bad remains bad. Right became wrong, and wrong never became right.

Suck it up. Will it get better?

Mahjong!

Mahjong.

The only time i actually played mahjong was when the plain old computer had those memory tile game using the ambigious mahjong tiles and then on, i had no idea how the game works.

Remember this?

And with amazing memorising skills, you’d thought you’re the top of the world because you can finish the game within a few seconds, ok maybe a few a minutes. Now, here comes the story of Mahjong.

It took me a while to write this entry, because i’m caught up with work; which i still am thanks to the back to back events in July, I swear Suria is on a roll this month but i guess we’re trying to complete a gazellion things before the fasting month commence.

How bad isit that i actually had recurring dreams about work. Ok before i digress…

From good old Wiki:

Mahjong (simplified Chinese: 麻将; traditional Chinese: 麻將; pinyin: má jiàng) is a game that originated in China, commonly played by four players (with some three-player variations found in Korea and Japan). The four player table version should not be confused with the popular Western single player (tile matching) computer game (Mahjong solitaire), which is a recent invention and completely different from the table game. Similar to the Western card game rummy, mahjong is a game of skill, strategy and calculation and involves a certain degree of chance.

Held at at Toa Payoh Central Community Club (Courtesy of http://www.ourcommunity.sg), the rumble of mahjong tiles can be heard from before you enter the classroom, it was obvious that someone was late HEH. Anyway, to start it off the class was divided into a few a groups, Mr Edwin Phua our Sifu for the day, guided the participants of the class well.

Honestly, i was just a watching eye but it got me interested for a while after all this is the game that is often played until wee hours of the morning. I think the best of it all is not only about learning the game but the joy and laughter everyone is having. From bamboo’s to whatsnot, it was quite an interesting sight.

The class was filled with people of all ages, so to see them mingling around, screaming “PONGGGGGGGG” once in a while is quite an interesting sight. Of course in all, the class did thought everyone the fundamentals of mahjong, and how it trains the mind to be one skillfull player. Not only that, with the trained mind, it also enables to have focus in our daily lifestyles and much more.

Mahjong, i didn’t expect to have actually learn a thing or two from it!

Toa Payoh Central Community Club
93 Toa Payoh Central
Singapore 319194
Phone : 6252 1249
Fax : 6354 4950

Mahjong courses by Edwin Phua